thoughts……………

11 05 2010

I lost my brother six months ago.  Six months has given me a lot of time to think, ponder, question and wonder.  As my fingers work their way across the keyboard to type this, I realise I am strangely looking at my skin tone, freckles on the back of my hand, texture of my skin, shape of my nails and realise it is all identical to my brothers.  Something I have never thought about, or noticed.  I suppose the shock and enormity of my lose has squashed some emotions and feelings and heightened others.  I know I am exhausted, mentally and physically.  I do find day to day thoughts and decisions hard, everyday stuff is a blur, irrational, trying to sort the reality of it all.  sometimes I want to shout and scream and make people realise my lose, the tragic, untimely lose of this beautiful person.  Everyone meets death, I didnt want to meet this death.

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24 01 2010

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